What I Wish I Knew As a Single Christian Woman

I remember a time when I was rushing to get married. I was looking for love in all the wrong places, erroneously believing that I would find the fulfillment I needed in being married and having a family. It took a while, but developing the habit of discovering true fulfillment within my relationship with Jesus Christ came to satisfy my intense thirstiness. Now that I am married, it is still my life’s foundation. Many single Christians, in general, look to marriage as a cure for loneliness. Often, when single Christians rush to get married, they usually end up feeling alone again once the honeymoon is over. I had to learn that a spouse cannot ultimately fulfill every area of life; he or she can only complement your life.  

Yes, I know the thirst gets real. Many times, singles wind up being labeled as “needy and clingy” or “desperate” because they go to extremes just to secure or remain in a relationship. This type of behavior will leave anyone subject to abuse or toxicity. The thirst syndrome stems from the false belief that, once a person gets hitched, he or she will finally live happily ever after, like in the fairy tales or movies. The truth is, we shouldn’t place that much responsibility on a spouse or a marriage. Why? No mere human being can ever bring us true happiness and fulfillment in life—we can only find that through an intimate relationship with God. 

We all need to cultivate relationships with other people. However, a person’s dissatisfaction with life, or disrespect and dislike for one’s self, is projected onto others, making positive, long-lasting relationships impossible. People who learn to like and enjoy themselves and their own company are usually interesting people. They have something to contribute to relationships, and they strive to be a blessing. They are not leeches, draining their family and friends, inundating everyone around them with the negativity they inadvertently carry around. 

If you are one of those people who has been labeled “thirsty,” it’s okay to pray for guidance and wisdom in this area. James 1:5, NLT, says, “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.” It is also wise to consider the time you are spending alone. Be sure you are not simply wasting time doing fruitless things that don’t nurture you spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. Many times we may feel depressed and sleep the day away, or we may binge-watch the day away. Okay, in healthy proportions, of course, it is perfectly fine to binge-watch a Netflix series every now and then, or to take a nap during the day. It becomes a problem when you are so bored out of your mind that you do those things aimlessly, just to mask your boredom or to evade your problems.  Ephesians 5:15, AMP, states, “Look carefully then how you walk! Live purposefully and worthily and accurately, not as the unwise and witless, but as wise (sensible, intelligent people), Making the very most of the time [buying up each opportunity], because the days are evil.” 

Make the most of your opportunities. Consider this: Maybe your issue isn’t simply boredom or neediness. Maybe the underlying issue is that you have yet to discover what God wants you to do. Maybe you haven’t spent enough time with Him to discover your purpose. Once you discover who you are in Christ, and what God wants you to do, you will discover what you have been searching for all along. He ultimately defines and directs us, not other people, not even ourselves. Philippians 2:13, AMP, states, “[Not in your own strength] for it is God Who is all the while effectually at work in you [energizing and creating in you the power and desire], both to will and to work for His good pleasure and satisfaction and delight.”

One of the best benefits of enjoying ourselves and our time alone is learning to be quiet enough to receive direction from Him! Having a conversation with the Lord is difficult when we are tirelessly trying to fill every moment of our days with people, getting in their business. It’s a vital necessity to rebel against the noise of this information age, which includes the chatter of social media, and set aside time just to be quiet and engage in His presence. Simultaneously, as a bonus, He helps us enjoy ourselves, our own company, and our own uniqueness.

When we take the time to read and study the Bible, pray, and praise and worship God, we become focused on our most important relationship. Therefore, spending time with Him should never be boring. Because when we genuinely seek Him with all our hearts, we will find Him—then He guides us into His will for our lives and completes us in every way. He also leads us to everything we need, including the meaningful relationships we desire.  

Published by Naturally Ms. Tawanda

I have worked in various areas in ministry, mainly as a ghostwriter for more than 14 years. I'm a teacher and leader at a local Celebrate Recovery. I call this blog Naturally Ms. Tawanda because as a black woman, I always receive questions about my freaking hair, which I wear in its natural state most of the time. My hobby is finding new ways to keep, not only my hair healthy, but also my body, mind, and spirit. I strive to find contentment, peace, love, joy, and happiness in life. . .in every single moment. I'm on a journey to remain whole. . .spirit, soul, and body. I hope what I discover on this journey can help you somehow. Thanks for visiting my blog. . .my humble abode on the internet.

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